WTF!

THE DAY AFTER I DECIDED TO PULL AWAY AND THE ANGER IS GONE THANKS BE TO GOD, BUT I'M STILL IN A MELANCHOLY MOOD. IT HASN'T BEEN 24 HOURS BUT I MISS TALKING TO HIM. TALKING WITH HIM MADE MY LIFE WORTH LIVING OR SO IT SEEMED. TODAY EVEN THOUGH I WON'T TALK TO HIM MY LIFE STILL HAS MEANING, BUT I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT MEANING IS. I THINK THIS WOULD BE EASIER IF I HATED HIM, BUT HATING HIM I CAN'T. HE TOUCH MY LIFE IN SUCH A SPECIAL WAY BOTH GOOD AND BAD. I LEARNED THROUGH HIM I CAN BE HURT AND MAD AND NOT RIP THE PERSON WHO HURT ME APART WITH WORDS THAT DESTROY,. EVEN THOUGH, HE SAID HE DIDN'T LOVE IN THAT SPECIAL WAY  I NOW  KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE LOVED AND I MISS IT A LOT. I CAN ONLY HOPE ONE DAY TO FIND SOMEONE TO SHOW ME HALF AS MUCH LOVE. 

EVEN THOUGH I DON'T KNOW THE NEXT TIME I'LL TALK TO HIM IF EVER I WILL ALWAYS LOVE HIM AND HE WILL ALWAYS HOLD A VERY SPECIAL PLACE IN MY HEART. I ALSO HOPE THAT IF HE EVER NEEDS ME HE KNOWS I'M JUST A TEXT AWAY EVEN IF IT IS JUST FOR EAR TO CRY INTO.

I THANK GOD FOR BRINGING ME HIM INTO MY LIFE, BUT I AM MAD THAT HE ALLOWED HIM TO PULL AWAY. I UNDERSTAND THIS IS A GROWING EXPERIENCE FOR ME AND IF I LET IT I'LL COME THROUGH STRONGER ON THE OTHER SIDE. I JUST HOPE THE DEPRESSION FADES AS FAST AS IT HAS BEEN AND THIS MELANCHOLY FEEING GOES AWAY SOON SO I CAN GROW AND LEARN FROM THIS EXPERIENCE.

*** ***** * **** ***

(now.i'm.relief.done.bursting.my.feelings)

(smily.face)!"./.

ashary17@yahoo.com

SAD REALIZATION. ;(

IS THERE ANYONE OUT THERE? WILLING TO BE MY FRIEND. I WANT A BOYFRIEND, BUT I CAN'T FIND. SO SAD, I DON'T MAKE MUCH OF MEMORY WITH OTHER PEOPLE. I HAVE A LOVER, BUT SOMEHOW, I FEEL IT'S NOT ENOUGH. A LOVE FOR A FRIEND IS DIFFERENT FROM A LOVE FOR A BEST FRIEND. THAT'S SOMETHING I DON'T HAVE. IT'S KINDA WEIRD, BUT WHEN YOU ASK THEM, ITS VICE VERSA. THEY HAVE A GIRL/BOYFRIEND, WHICH I DON'T HAVE, BUT I NEED A BEST-FRIEND WHICH THEY HAVE. IT'S SO WEIRD, MAYBE I AM BOUND TO FIND SOMETHING I DON'T HAVE. ;(

IS THIS ANOTHER CYCLE OF LIFE?


OKAY. :))


THERE IS NO WEIRDNESS IN THESE THING, I SHOULD STOP ACTING LIKE AN IDIOT. I'M A GOOD PERSON, I HAVE SOME FRIENDS, MAYBE I SHOULD PUSH MORE WITHOUT SOMEONE NOTICING. (-.^)!


PUSH MORE TO DO GOOD MEMORIES. :P

I SHOULD NOT BE AFRAID. WELL ,THERES NOTHING WRONG WITH ME, MY FRIENDSHIP IS PURE RIGHT?
I'LL BACK TO MY OLD SELF, WITH SO MUCH SELF ESTEEM RIGHT. ^.^
(smiley.face)!"./.

INSECURE(-__-)!

Insecure people make me laugh Current mood: savage Wow, I *never* blog. Mostly because the only reason people blog is to either use it as an "open book" journal (most people) or because they have something of actual importance or interest that they think is relevant enough that other people might want to read it (most news-related blogs, or ones expressing particular ideas, etc). The former is fucking gay, because its essentially a cry for attention (journals are supposed to be private for a reason, dumbasses) and the latter is great, but even if there are times I want to rant or say something that is particularly important, there are many other sites and blogs that do it much better that I could have, so I refrain from it. But this time, I do have a rant that I think is important enough to blog about. In a nutshell, it astonishes me how insecure people, PARTICULARLY OLD GAY FRIEND, can be, and are. What spurred this on was a message I received from a my friend who shall remain anonymous (because its not relevant, and neither is she muahahaha :-): -------------- July 5 12:15 AM Subject: Body: Ooooh talking shit about me? Damn, dont you with you were as good as me? Yeah I know somehow (well way deeper than you and your thoughts) you think you're a better insecure to me. But hey... one day bro... one day... Till then.. Take care, my friend to...who again? And now we come to the "damn don't you with (wish) you were as good as me" Well you better stop talking about me coz' know what u really don't EXISTS IN MY WORLD so please stop me.. FUCK YOUUUU!!! FUCK YOUUUU!!! FUCK YOUUUU!!! INSECURE KA LANG!!!(grrrrrr...) BYE^_^.

Stupid Crash

Non-stop rants, raves, dreams, angst, bitterness, and adventures.
You might find some entries 'ere a little bit controversial, sick, funny, pathetic, or even offensive, but i don't really care 'coz i'm the way i am. i eat, i drink, i smoke, i hang-out, i make-out, i live. i'm nice but not stupid, will roll with you, chill with you anytime, anywhere. but not forever.

Attraction to Cigarettes

Well I was increasingly running out of cigarettes and worrying about it made me smoke more thus further deleting my supply of cigarettes! Plus I was smoking a cheaper brand called "Marlboro Lights" because that was all that I could afford!

This brand of cigarette - actually it isn't even a cigarette it is called filtered cigars - I used to get because it is my favorite cigarettes among the other brands.

Anyways like I was saying, I was worried so much about increasing my cigarette supply that I started thinking about how I could do that!

I remembered in the past about how the law of attraction worked for me as far as me having cigarettes was concerned so I was working on trying to manifest some more cigarettes into my life! I was thinking about it long and hard - perhaps too hard but I finally managed to get an idea! It wasn't 100% foolproof but it did allow me to buy 4 more packs of that brand!

So now I'm happily typing away (as you can plainly see) while happily smoking a cigarette - actually it's called cigar!

Cigarettes

I have cigarettes again! Got a nice little financial windfall (by the way thank GOD for Paypal! because it lets you get your money easily and faster!)

I have been checking my Adsense to see if my payment was coming but I haven't seen it yet so it looks like I will have to wait a little longer for that money but I am grateful just the same! I have even gotten to the point where I am buying more Marlboro now because I really, really hate the other brands and I just really want my favorite brand of cigarettes!





It was agony being without cigarettes but now at least I have some now! I can be happy again!